I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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