i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
