spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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