i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
