It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
