Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
