She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
