after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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