I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
