I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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