Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
