my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
