i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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