I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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