please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
