He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
