3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
