Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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