She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
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