my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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