I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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