I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
