I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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