True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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