wat bout pragnant strippers??
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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