At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
