i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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