Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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