I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
