Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize