Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
