cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
