Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
