If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
