the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
