The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
