You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
