LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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