I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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