Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My dick has a subreddit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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