oh god the rape fog is back!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
