So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
