I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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