white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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