Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
