I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
