this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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