Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
