im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
