you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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