A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
