Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
