I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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