I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
