I am in a vortex of obligation.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
