I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
