I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
