i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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