I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
