Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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