and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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