hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
