I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
