apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
