I think i peed on brittanys purse
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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