She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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