It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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