Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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