Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
