I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
