if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
