And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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