He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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