I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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