i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Even my vagina gasped.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
