drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
