"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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