At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
