Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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