I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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