I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
