Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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